I am Peace.

It has been a long time since I decided to write, just for the sake of writing. I had forgotten how much I enjoy it. And yes, I have been very busy. Maybe feeling like the busyness has been creating some anxiety and trepidation. Not tuning in, not turning in, not turning to the Great Within. And I have felt that all the messages and pointers outside of myself have begun to make little to no sense. All of the physical imprints of my consciousness on the outer world have been returning toward me with falseness and indecision.

I have been viewing life thourgh a very limited lense recently. Noticing that when I can only see challenge, struggle, walls - then anxiety rushes in to topple me with it's hard hammer-like fists. And I feel alone in the world and without a brother or a sister.

 Of ourse, I know this is not true.

For I fell asleep last night with messages from wonderful friends and a phone call with my dear sweet sweetest. And I have not been on the phone with the Higher Love for some time. I have not called Home, so to speak. And I wonder - how in the world can anyone go anywhere and do anything without this connection to Love?

I feel afraid. I feel like I have made so many mistakes and I am feeling very afraid. I feel lost at times and intensely without guidence. Where do I find this guidence? Where do I look? How do i find the answers? 

I wish it to all be more simple. All more quiet most of the time - and all more clear. I wish it to be easy to walk a path of self - forgiveness, washing clean the eyes that are clouded. Washing away the intense energies that come in and give me heartache. I wish these energies were not so familiar and I wish so much that I had knowledge of how to work with them. For I feel sometimes, most times -overwhelmed with anxiety. 

And I realize now that I am an HSP (Highly Snesetive Person) - though this does not make things easier, just because I have a label for this aspect of my "self". It is just something to note and to understand that being in the world can sometimes feel like "too much".

Often times I work hard to "get it straight" to "go with full force" to "push through" - and then I feel somewhat like a shark is at my heels and that there is not enough time to get up for air. This is what anxiety feels like, this is what the daily grind feels like. I want so dearly to let down my load and walk a simple path - reflecting on what is true and right in each moment - listening and connecting to a Higher Source Within. This I feel would give me the sustenance and the time to work digilently and well toward my goals. Having the assuredness and confidence to walk with head held high.

What do I mean by this exactly? What does it mean to walk with a head held high? What does it mean to walk in the world with dignity, Grace and love? What does it mean to have your True Self in full view with each and every choice at hand? How does one begin?

It is not a "get in the car and drive" kind of answer. It is not a "once you have it, you always have it" - it is a perspective, a lense and a practice.

It is a place to go inside to remember who you really are and to act in inspired truth toward your next baby step. There is no "getting off for a rest" for the train is always moving, slowly, without hesitation, along its course.

What do I mean by the train? I am speaking of course of this spiritual life. This co-existence with all of our physical and invisible bodies, modes of perception, and beliefs - right alongside everyone else's... Right along side all aspect of life. My Life coexisting with ALL LIFE.

What does one decision mean in the ripening of the whole? What can one human thought express in the vast infinite cosmic thought of Universal Consciousness?

How about we start here:

Stop.

Breathe.

Return.

Feel it all.

Relax.

Move a little.

Notice something beautiful in your environment.

Notice what is around you.

Become still

And

Open your eyes to that

Higher Place.

When I say eyes - I do not mean physical eyes. I mean the eyes that are a doorway into the More that is all around you. And when you return here and to remembering who and what you really are, something ancient appears - something that is infinite and without name. Something which is carrying your tiny body through this great life. 

How do I begin to walk with this connection?

When you walk with this connection in your Self, it is like you are being carried in a cradle of Safety. And there is no anxiety. No need to stress about the next 7 weeks. There is only a space to breathe, to be quiet and to feel at peace. And there is room, plenty of room to walk forward.

How do we know that we are at peace?

Feel peace right now within your heart and breathe it in. Be kind and be open to what is there. 

With so much rushing and noise in this world. With so much "to do" - it can often be the last thing we remember to do before we go to bed - to "stop" and listen. It may not even come up for a whole day, to do this. It may be that we haven't stopped to take a peaceful breath in well over a month. What does the body/brain reveal if it has not been allowed to rest in this breathing Peace? How can a body/brain actually function with any real connection to a larger aspect of itself when a body feels so much anxiety, stress, tension, disease at all times?

Perahaps this is the year in which you are ready to ask these questions. Perhaps this is the year in which you are ready to look deeper and notice how your body feels. To notice if you are numb or awake to this sensetive place. 

It does not surprise me that most people in this larger Paradigm are addicted to social media, to alcohol or drugs or food. In fact, I am addicted to most of these things myself. In fact, I will admit that some days I do not know how I will get though the day unless i have a place to release some of this tension. Often I do not choose what is most ready at all times - my breathe, and instead turn to some other aspect that is quick and easy.

I wonder how many people are walking around with this type of tension in their bodies at all times? I wonder how many people are stuck in a similar place of anxiety and fear and insecurity?

To be honest - this has been the main backdrop to my existence for most of my life. Perhaps for the past 7 or 8 years anxiety is in constancy. How do I maintain a healthy nervous system? I need regular movement. I need regular times to release tension. And I need regular walks.

I wish my skill in life were to heal quickly and be avaliable for those around me to give them more attention. The truth is I am spending a lot of this life healing myself. I am spending a lot of my time and energy, when I am not with friends or working - in a process of healing. Healing anxiety, healing pain in the body, healing negativity.

Perhaps healing is not the right word. But atuning, correcting, returning, breathing. This is my constant cradle and where I return to seek peace and guidence. Sometimes it takes a long time to get still. Sometimes I do not want to leave my house. Sometimes it may take all day to recognize that I have not been still inside for over 24 hours. Stillness and peace are states of mind, and unless we choose to seek them out, they will not arrive on their own. They feel like great meadows of wild flowers - sweet with honey and wildness - and they are waiting for each and every life to come here and to express this peace in the world.  

I believe...

...We are unable to return to Peace in our outer society -( in our political wars, our social identity wars, our human wars, and financial wars )- becuase we are unable to return to peace within.

- - -

I have a message of peace. And I would like to share it with all of you. I have a message of great Stillness that wishes to touch your heart and land in your open palm with light feathery wings. It is this:

Do you feel shame? Unease? Anxiety? Craving something that is not there? Do you feel afraid and unreal at times? Do you feel invisible and alone and lost? Is there a dark cloud and a deep grief crying inside of you?

It's okay. I have that too. I feel this inch by inch at times, and I feel the Earth as if she were inside of me. I feel the stress and corruption of the Powers that are unfathomable. I am afraid too.

But I seek peace because it is the one and only place which yields me all my yearnings and stills me to allow and not rush in with answers. She is here inside of me right now writing these words and she is speaking to you too.

As if a great storm just passed, Peace speaks like the cloud that opened and is revealing the open sky and horizon with a setting sun - Peace speaks out: there is infinite amounts of time (for time is unreal) and infinite pathways to find me - there is no wrong way and I am here for you always. 

I am Still. I am Now. And I am Here.

Breathe. Rest with me. Be at Peace. Feel connected to deep stillness. Do not run. Walk toward me and I will embrace you entirely and hold you. I am a clean clear and cool drink of water. I satiate and sustain. I am green healthy trees in a forest of calm. And I am always here with you.

I am Peace.

Towards Ressurection and Freedom

Who will tend the gardens of peace When all the poets are gone?

Who will strike a match on the lover's soul When all the eminent materialists claim stance in their way?

Who will cry and yearn for beauty to blossom in the hearts and souls of men and women When there are “more important things to do” ?

The time of the artist is not over. She will come forward to claim the pure roundness of any pearl or gem Which hang in the air of pristine value.

Her cloak is hemmed with the Sun, Moon and Stars. The soul held knowingly at her breast She guards her courage diligently Foreseeing that these times are blind to her wisdom.

But, Not To Worry! What is stronger than the word of love?

or

The first blossom of an awakened heart?

The quill is held in her hand Where she commands all the days and nights of eternity to write her book of songs.

For it is here Where pilgrims will come to glance for signs of hope When the last of the nobility have drunk the wine of material illusion.

The words like linen and fleece Will soften even the hardest of stone-disillusionment And will once again point us toward the light of Resurrection and Illumination.

By Orchid Jones April 22 2012

Human Flight

Well, I guess Spirit wants me to write more. To be uninhibited. My oh my! How each day is like a newly awakened spreading of wings. Even three months ago, how I felt and looked different. The sounds, smells, colors are always changing. The seasons are so fluid in their dress making! I woke with more fear that is wanting to be seen and cleansed. I am afraid of change, that this groundlessness is unpredictable and ever spontaneously tumoltuous! I want to run away and hide in my mind! In my sleep! In my Awake! Where is there a resting place? Where is there a spot, which is just safe? Just still? Just One? The heart of hearts calls to me and whispers its Faith on wings of Love.

A person spoke to me of....a fear or leaving the ground! Well, what she meant was, I couldn't do that...I need to be "grounded"! I need to be plugged into this way of seeing the world, this old way of living and beliving and using my mind...the way that I was taught, the way that i am exploring and cultivating. Well. I am not attatched to this world! And when i say that, I do not mean the Earth as she spins. What I mean is...I am availiable to expand my horizons. I look around me and see that we are all somewhat attatched to our points of view! That our "small self" is very convinced that it is having an experience in a "grounded" view of reality. This reality is often limited and under a very particular conditoned experience of sense and awareness. To look into and explore another option, another way of seeing the world and living that does not totally correlate with our limits, well...that can feel ungrounding and scary. That, we don't want to trust. I can't believe I am writing thsi, because I too have these fears and I too am attached to "My Way" of seeing the world and seeing myself nad seeing my life. WEll. What if I let that attachement go a little bit? What if I wanted to experience life on a much more open and wider perspective? What if I found a place that could teach me to do that? Teach me to free my thinking? Teach me to free my Willing? Teach me to free my feeling? All through artistry and beauty! Wouldn't I just jump up and down for joy? Wouldn't I jump into it with ope narms?

No, what are my intentions for doing wuch a crazy leap into the sky? I don't want them (my intentions) to be for leaving behind a life that doesn't work or that i am dissapointed in, because my dissapointment is my own fault. My own choice. I am seeing my perspective now and seeing how it is tied up into my environemnt a lot. IT is tied up into those around me, my community. And all these things are good! They are all supporting life as it is, moving along at a pace which is predictable (but is it really?) For if it were predictable, it would mean that I had a realtionship withthe pace of life and a relationship and understanding of how things work. Which I really don't. I have the basic understanding. But I want to universal understanding. I do! I want to wake up and see the world with eyes of wonder and surprise and eyes of perception! Grounded you say? They are grounded, but not really connected to life as it is happening!? Ha, what is life as it is happening? What is the universal human doing in a life that is just happening around it? Prediction, and perception and relationship with my active thinking and active being...that is what I want. This way of being, well, I am just touching with my bare fingers at the moment. It is asking me to simultaneously relax and heal, to let go of my holdings and also to open my wings and try new things.

To leave just when I am comfortable. I guess that is a better time to leave than to get up and fly away because I saw a mouse.

Worry, Fear, Doubt, All of that is groundless. All of that is not really connected with how the world really looks and feels. That is what people are attatched to. that is what we are commiting to when we are not open to seeing and tryiing new things that take us out of our comfort.

And also...I would imagine that one day I would expand out of the collective consciousness of even the next step I am walking toward.

So What Next?
Flying? Expanding? Resting in Trust.
One day at a time. But really, explore my intentions for life. Do I remember why I came here? It is not to be attatched, it is not to be comitted to this dead way of thinking and acting...dispersed in a culture and community who are all trying to figure their world out from their small perspective. I am here to grow into the universal human being. I am here to heal completally. i am here to be a teacher. I must cry every morning to get used to that.

Today

Morning time, woke up at 2:30 am last night and did not fall back asleep except for 20 minutes around 5am. Then stayed awake until 6:30 when I got up.

Feeling tired today, but I also feel that this is just a little challenge in the way of so much I have already overcome in my week. So much sadness, dissappintment and regret all washing away. So much I hold on to! Every day there is something that "Sticks" or can stick and if I am very aware I can see it and just simply let it slip away. This is my practice today. See what areises, in my tired and present state of awareness and watch it slip away, right in front of me.

My intention for the day is to remain calm, centered, present, quiet, and withing while giving what little energy I have to the flow of the day.

Thank You
Blessings

I Am So Happy To Be Here

By Orchid Jones

I used to leave my body to experience faith, wisdom, and harmlessness.
I used to travel to sky and back again to experience one drop of relief.
Today I am committed to my body.
Today I am willing to take care of myself.
Today I am calling myself home Again, Again, and Again...

The Sun crept in to the Sky for the Morning to Honor All Life
The clouds then crept over to cover
Like a blanket
The day filled with hope

There is no escaping this Place
For this Place is already Heaven
Knowing no other way
I sink into the hands of You
I bathe myself with Your Cloudless Love
I am a humble and happy servant
To this great task.

I am like that tree you have planted
And so unlike that same tree.
I feel this space beneath my feet
I touch it with my little toes
Small grasses and stones
I would sink in if I knew how.
But unlike the trees
I Am.

And so
With this aching heart
This profound gratitude for all life
I walk to meet You.

You are everywhere!
With this faith
I am untouched by my longing!
With this faith
I am longing to touch all life!
And speak:
Awaken!
Won't you walk with me?
Won't you touch and receive my touch?
Won't you let this precious stone into the folds of your hand
And feel?

I am a creature
A human creature
And I Am So Happy To Be Here
Thank You.

Writing again

Well I was snooping around on the internet, which I don't really suggest, because it is very time consuming and a little tireing, but i came across a blog and realized that I haven't written in mine in awhile and that I needed to write down some of the things that I have personally been experiecning.

One is profound healing. On a cellular, emotional and personal level. I have been clearing out old beliefs of "I'm not good enough", "There is'nt enough, or I am deprived", and "Iam a victim, powerless over my situation and reality." What I found to be at the bottom of these emotional blocks was a deep deep memory and trauma of not being honored as a child. I felt often alone, quietly in my own personal cocoon wondering when it would all be over or change into the birthright that deep inside I knew was my freedom and my spiritual and devotional life. Perhaps this all had to occur so that I can be where I am now - which is experiencing greater and greater levels of clarity, love, humour, empowerment, safety, release, creativity, energy and expression of my own divine intuition.

I started to ask the angels if I could work with them, I was calling on them, learning about them and basically opening myself up to their influences, what occured then was a series of miraculous dreams and intuitive voices which lead me to recieve an incredible healing that took place one night. I let them work on me for a 24 hour period and it started with streams of light being poured into my body and through all my systems. I just kept on opening up more and more to their influences and allowing their light to work with me. I began to trust, and that trust grew and grew until I felt a true faith arise and released completally. I had a lot of questions come up too and they answered them all beautifully and acuraetly.

Divine Wisdom in Oneness (God) showed up as a being of light and showered my whole being with healing light and presiouss love. He began to untangle the knots of self doubt and pain and misery and showed me the root of all my suffering: which was this deep belief and pain that I am not honored and that I do not honor myself. I saw how many of us as children are sujected to lives which do not resonate with the intense spiritual emotion and information that we are gifted with as we enter the world. Children are in tune with the angelic sounds of the cosmos and with pure feeling of reverence, oneness and open and clear love. When this is not honored in the child, it begins to question its very reality and if it is not reminded of its inherent beauty, it will begin to blame itself for the wrongness of the situation and take on the emotional disharmonies of the people and places around it. Unfortunately that is the case for most of us.

As a teacher and friend of children I see it as my opporunity and responsibility to start honoring children and their gifts they have for us. By doing this we can begin to instil in them a self trust, that when empowered and held, will manifest into that child's true creative will and help shape them into the human being that God intended. The child has to be given the instruction of how to use free will in connection with the heart. Ultimately it is always up to the karma of the child which direction it chooses to take, but the influence of the Adults and Teachers and Environments around it will have an incredible effect if they are in place to truly honor that human being and who they are.

A lot of time children experience deep emotions but do not have an avenue for working with them and feeling them. They are so strong that either the child will act out or retreat inward and become lost. With proper guidance, the child can begin to trust themselves and trust the adults around them that are their to really "see" the child.

What does it mean to see or honor another human being? It is to honor the God Creator in them and the divine beauty of the Sacred Mother in them. But it is more than this too. It is a living intuitive love which is shared with them in presence. It is an acceptance and unconditional love space held for that individual. It is like truly beholding a blossoming rose, without plucking it. Can one truly experience the full light of that rose in all its magnitude? It takes practice and trust and an open heart.

The Divine One then came to me in my heart and asked, what is the one thing you truly desire? I felt deeply and it was to be loved and to give love. To give and recieve love and to be in connection with God ALL the time ~ to feel this presence of complete trust, complete faith, complete relaxation and connection. That experience of giving and recieving love is the purpose of humanity, and is what we are here to learn about. When we love God, God is loving through us. By this nature, we can begin to open up our divine guidance and intuition and face the obstacles one by one and truly create a reality which befits the honor we all are learning to hold for one another.

This love I recieved was very powerful. It is still with me and is guiding me. It is clearing my old conditioning away from deep within my belly and heart. It is showing me how perfect I already am and is allowing me to recognize my own willingness to truly take care of and honor myself first. This, I think, has been the hardest part, and what we all are facing at this time. I feel that when I have a few years of truly loving and honoring myself under me, I can then begin to do the work I am here to do. I am already doing the work I am here to do, and it is just growing more accesable with the growing love I feel from Creator, from Divine Mother and from my own deep heart space.

The angles showed me a rock in my dream, which is a communication rock. A place for their insight to ground in. It was actually a crystal. I was recieving their information through a helper and through this stone. Three days later I was digging in my garden and found the same stone from my dream! I placed it in the Mesa in the center while in meditaion yesterday with my sisters.

These are not easy times. We are all called to do this work now: to release and dispell the negativity and harm that has been caused to us and which is suffocating the earth still. Know that the influences which want to tear you down and cause fear, shame, blame, anger, hatred and victimization cannot overcome the power to love. All life is supporting the goodness and love which is being born through humanity at this time. There is no other time. It is NOW.

True Heart Of Blessing

Youthful mind
Colorful sky
Free in the nature
From black and white clouds
Naked body
Meets naked space
Boundless mind
Experiences the Great Joy
Keep smiling
Keep smiling
And let out polluted air
With laughter.
Loving heart
Needs protection of view
Joyful yogini
Laughs with vajra HA
Transcend attachment
With pure passion
Fear is fear of fear
Raw fear is in the essence of joy
Raw joy is nothing but raw fear
Inseparability coils in the true heart of openness
Trust your heart of faith
Fly with full confidence of blessing. "
-Buddhism scholar and meditation master Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche

In this poem I see that Yes, True Raw Fear is the same as True Raw Joy. This I was able to understand through Pema Chodron's teachings. That if truly felt without the story attatched, then the energy of fear or any emotion is the same energy of Joy, Happiness, Bliss, just in a different cloak. But must it be different? Can't we use our power of perception and understanding to learn to see through the clouds and unwind the yarn and clear the clogged drain?

YES! YES! YES! We can have limitlessness, we can have willingness, we can have openess.

"In this journey of gain and loss
Let me have "loss" and let others enjoy "gain"
May I lose the attachment to the eight worldly dharmas
May I seize the fortress of equality "

Let us "seize the fortress of equality" !

I am not a buddhist, but I am very interested in the path of non-suffering, the path of peace and the path of clear love and insight.

Spiritual Survival In The Linear

"Deciding to participate in physical life is a complicated choice as one becomes more involved as an energy. In the early moments younger souls often blindly leap from one life to the other simply attempting to understand the process. When some clarity is finally achieved the life patterns are somewhat confused.

It is important in your "now moment" to pay attention to the feelings of your soul. To survive in any physical culture, one needs to understand the spiritual survial needs as well as the physical ones.

Playing out dramas is often considered a good way to achieve understanding in lessons. One should be aware that becoming the drama is not the best participation. All of you have felt overwhelmed in a drama out of control. That is because those who participate do not trust the inner soulful indicators or indicators of which should be enacted next.

By ignoring the soul one can flounder aimlessly in the linear and its dramas.

Stop often. Listen, feel what some may refer to as your gut. It is actually your soul's barometer giving you the correct guidance needed to survive and thrive through daily dramas and lessons.

If you feel nothing then it is time to re-acquaint yourself. Waste not time proceedting to the arena of your soul. Whatever the method, get there.

Stop the dramatic presentation. It's most likely a circular pattern with no conclusion in sight.

To soulfully survive the linear one must walk away from dramatics that are out of control. The need for victory in them is an illusion of the physical.

Return to who you are. Find comfort in the silence. It is not a defeat to do so. It is actually a victory."


-VERONICA

A glimpse at the swimming brightly true essence of Self

What a night...actually two nights. I feel my spirit returning after a hiatus. What wonderful people I know, who are willing to swim in new depths, exploring underwater currents of bliss and sensation~ all for the joy of it!

Tonight there was a group farewell for a friend who loves Contact Improv and Water Dance. So in a sacred gathering we said farewell to her by combining the two. Water dance with Contact Dance. It was fabulous. I at first felt myself standing at the water's edge not wanting to tread water. I was just going to arrive say goodbye and leave. I was telling myself the story that I was "too" sensitive energetically. A concept I would like to explore more in detail, for it seems it is more a habit of avoiding uncomfortable settings or not being direct with my words when I am around uncomfortable people. I take the blame and say that I am "too sensitive" When really I am needing to claim my power and assert my needs. I was telling myself this particular story about not wanting to get in the water with older men, not knowing their breed or birth. Then a lovely woman arrived and she was naked and jumped right in. Soon my little heart was aching to be in the water and feel the sensation of dance and movement while afloat currents of change.

It was at first a little new. Wading, flipping, gliding, touching, turning, sliding. Nakedness became a new curiosity as I was able to gaze clearly through the stream with goggles. I was a kid again, playing innocently in the pool with friends. We were dolphin children, sky dancers, naked trapeze artists.

I asked myself to let go, to trust and soon I became a current of water. Soon I was completely free in my presence and in my light. Nothing was there to fear, nothing was there touching me or grabbing me or forcing me. Nothing was there to be guilty about. I was experiencing my childlike girlhood, spirit, innocence, loving and whole fully embodied in my womanhood. This was truly a healing experience and one I can take psychologically and physically inside, easy to integrate.

It took me back to the other day while walking through the woods and looking back on my life. All the things that I ever feared, behind them...there was really nothing scary going on, nothing to be afraid of. All that fear was my mind projecting a scary image or story or made up belief. Even the trauma I felt as a child or the divorce or sexual abuse~these things too were nothing to fear. All the men in my life who misused their sexual energy, all the anxious and difficult high school memories, even the contact I made with aliens when I was Ten years old! How many silly stories were placed over very simple truths.

The forest brought this message to me. Viewing the spooky branches reaching out at me, I could project my spooky thoughts on those trees, the goblins, the haunted darkness. But behind that projection, just trees. What is behind the trees? Spiritual forces, a divine perfect whole alchemy at work which is benevolent and trust-worthy and good. Man created fear. And so to work with fear is simply a process of removing the layers of belief and story and seeing the true reality staring back at me: The trees in their strong arching limbs, bowing down all around me.

The water too, its simplicity of innocence with others simply exploring the body, the water, a moment, a glimpse at the swimming brightly true essence of Self.

I do like to sit and stare at the trees quite often

Ah,
the mosquitos are buzzing around me and eating me alive. I drove home from seeing some people I hadn't seen in awhile and I was overcome with a deep sadness. But I love my sadness these days because I can truly feel it and let it wash over me. I don't have to push it away or create a wall around me from it. It is like the body and soul gets to truly feel it all! When I feel sadness I can experience it, taste it and be healed by it simaltaneously watching it and observing its texture as an objective reality while maintaining my authentic alive and awake self.

I have been wanting so much alone time and it really makes me feel sadness. I guess I am in a place of shifting how I live. I don't need much. I don't want much and this scares me too. I see others going off to explore social events and music and projects and all I want to do is be in the forest and smell the trees, feel the breeze and watch the sunlight on the leaves. I want to garden and visit the occasional friend. I want to make art and write letters. I want to cook good food and drink tea. But other than that, there is nothing much out there that is calling me to it. And I think that is what is new for me. I have lived a long time being "called" out into the world. And now I listen for the call and it is inside of me. It says "Here I am." "Be with me here". "Listen and stop, do not plan, I want to feel you here in this moment."

It is a quiet voice. The other voices of judgment and self criticism and trying to get it right are still there. Perhaps they will always be there and I just need to accept them and keep them in their place, keep reminding them who is in charge and choose the voice that would really serve me.

It has been little shifts here and there, and it has been so easy to go to sleep! Literally, lots of sleeping! I feel in a little fog - and a lot of that is my allergies, but it is also this kind of dreamy state which I have to constantly tap myself out of. Sometimes I can just exist there calmly, but thinking overcrowds and before I know it my mind is a chatter of uncomfortable noise.

My main intention these days is to feel comfortable. Why not? I have gotten so good at feeling uncomfortable. All those Zen teachers, well they say you have to go through the fire before you can awaken. I tell you, first of all, my intention is not to awaken. My intention is to see truthfully and live a life communicating my authenticity and my love. My intention for this life is to see what makes me uncomfortable and see what and where my habits are in relation to acting out of some negative thought pattern, choice, or belief and really examine that. I have found through my observations that the real action that ALWAYS wants to be taken is the one where I am giving more of myself, listening more, and truly offering my love and support to others. So much of my life I have been living in competition and this belief that there isn't enough for me. Is that true? Is there enough?

The trickiest part now is, well... what happens when I isolate myself so much? What happens when I go outside to a social event and am never truly satisfied? I know this is just now that I am experiencing this. But it is coming after years of being out in the world and trying to fit in. Even in High School I was a loner, but I still tried to fit in. I think I have a lot to offer people. I think I have many gifts. I am exploring what those are.

I was asked by Spirit to go and drum next to a friend who was having a hard time. It would please me if my life took on a shape where I could offer love in that way more often.

It is Summer here in Oregon. Things are easier on the outside. There is still some confusion inside my gut as to what this life is really about. The confusion still comes from trying to do it right. And when I began listening in recently and following the guidance to stay home and do "nothing" - well I got really scared, sometimes exilerated. And I guess I am in a type of exploration and experimentation to see what happens when I have very little "to do". What naturally arises? What moves me if the head is not always in control?

I do like to sit and stare at the trees quite often.

You only have fear when...

You only have fear when you simultaneously believe in your mortality. While you would not necessarily do things that are risky to cause you to end your physical life experience, you also never intended your belief in mortality to allow fear to control your experience.

When you accept this concept more completely, you also develop more confidence to do the things you truly desire that cause your expansion. You will begin to not take everything so seriously. This is truly what is meant by a lightness of being. The light is your very own illumination of the true nature of your being. You intended to be the grand explorer of your own life experience.

Wilhelm

Wild Geese

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
-Mary Oliver

Violet Flame of 1,000 Suns

I AM my I AM Presence, and I AM One with the I AM Presence of every person on Earth. I AM also One with my Father-Mother God and the entire Company of Heaven. Now as one voice, one heartbeat, one breath, and one energy, vibration, and consciousness of pure Divine Love we invoke the most intensified frequencies of God’s Violet Flame of Infinite Perfection that the Earth and Humanity are capable of receiving at this time.

We open the Stargates of our Hearts, and we are instantly the Open Door for the most powerful 5th-Dimensional frequencies of the Violet Flame of God’s Infinite Perfection the Earth has ever experienced.

The Violet Flame pulsates through our Heart Flames and blazes in, through, and around all inharmonious actions, all lower human consciousness and all obstructions of the Light that any person, place, condition, or thing has ever placed in the pathway of Life’s perfection.

Instantly, the Violet Flame Transmutes this discordant energy cause, core, effect, record, and memory back into its original perfection.

Now Violet Fire Angels take their strategic positions over every country, state, city, town, village, and hamlet on the planet. These selfless messengers of our Father-Mother God reach out their great loving arms and raise up a limitless number of people in every location who are willing to participate in the faithful use of the Violet Flame of God’s Infinite Perfection. Each of these people understand the full importance of the Violet Flame now being offered by our Father-Mother God to help free Humanity from all human distresses.

The conscious use of this mighty power from the Heart of God will cause to be established within every one of these places great foci of the Violet Flame, which will continually bathe every person in each vicinity until Humanity’s human miscreations are transmuted back into Light and the body of Mother Earth is healed and restored to her original perfection.

Now, through the Clarion Call of the I AM Presence of ALL Humanity and the Legions of Light throughout infinity, the Violet Flame begins to expand and expand. It merges with the Immortal Victorious Threefold Flame blazing in every person’s heart and explodes into a tremendous Starburst of Light.

This miraculous influx of the Violet Flame increases to the intensity and power of a thousand Suns.

Beloved Legions of Light associated with the 5th-Dimensional Violet Flame of God’s Infinite Perfection...

a) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through the physical, etheric, mental, and emotional strata within the bodies of Mother Earth until the elements of earth, air, water, fire, and ether are purified and restored to their pristine beauty.

b) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through all of the vulnerable areas in the body of Mother Earth. Reinforce with bolts of Violet Lightning all of the faults, cracks, fissures, tectonic plates, and the wounds created in the body of Mother Earth through nuclear testing, mining, drilling for oil, and every other human affliction.

c) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through the thoughts, words, actions, and feelings of every man, woman, and child evolving on Earth until every person individually acknowledges and accepts the Oneness of ALL Life, and every expression reflects the Reverence of ALL Life.

d) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through all incoming babies, the children, their parents, and guardians until ALL youth are raised up in energy, vibration, and consciousness to carry out the directives of their I AM Presence.

e) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through all youth centers and activities, all schools, colleges, and universities, all leaders, teachers, instructors, and professors in every line of endeavor until the Flame of God Illumination and Enlightenment is manifest and eternally sustained.

f) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through all religions and spiritual teachings, so that Divine Love, Truth, Tolerance, and Universal Sisterhood and Brotherhood will quickly manifest.

g) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through all doctors, nurses, healers, hospitals, insurance companies, pharmaceutical conglomerates, and every institution associated with healing of any kind until Divine Mercy, Healing, Compassion, and Vibrant Health are tangible realities for every evolving soul.

h) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through all banking and financial institutions, all economic systems, all money, and the people associated with monetary interactions of any kind until every person on Earth is openly demonstrating true integrity, honesty, generosity, fairness, abundance, and the God supply of all good things.

i) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through all places of incarceration and all employed there, through every correctional institution, all law enforcement personnel, every judge, jury, and court of law until Divine Justice is manifest and eternally sustained.

j) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through all space activities throughout the world until every nation unites in cooperative service, so that God’s Will may be manifest with our sisters and brothers throughout the Universe.

k) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through the physical, etheric, mental, and emotional bodies of Humanity until all disease and human miscreation, its cause and core, is dissolved and transmuted into vibrant health, eternal youth, and physical perfection.

l) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns through the food and water industries and through all of the food and water used for human consumption until every particle of food and every molecule of water is filled with Light. Empower this Elemental substance to raise the vibratory action of Humanity’s physical, etheric, mental, and emotional bodies until physical perfection becomes a sustained manifest reality for every Human Being.

m) Blaze the Light of a thousand Suns in, through, and around every remaining electron of precious Life energy until the Immaculate Concept of the New Earth is manifest, and all Life evolving here is wholly Ascended and FREE. And so it is.

Patricia Diane Cota-Robles
New Age Study of Humanity's Purpose
a 501 (c) 3 nonprofit educational organization

http://eraofpeace.org

The Movie "Avatar" in Real Life - WE ARE ALL ONE!

what is contact improvisation?

up late...reviewing life and options

So totally in a new phase of my life. I feel more mature to adapt to change and new experiences. Though i am still not "PERFECT" Haha, to think this is still part of my daily process. Though I can still make mistakes or choices and not be totally identified with them or the outcome. I have discovered a new compassion and solidarity with myself - able to step out of the box of "doing this a certain way only". Having free choice and practice with each moment. And though I still take part in certain things which i know on a deeper level don't serve me completally - I am free of suffering from attatchment to thinking it controls who i am. Less comparison to others, or at least really seeing it more and more as it happens and choosing instead to honor and appreciate myself and my uniqueness and soul. Spending time alone and with others and engaging in what i really want to do with my life. Finding new insight into the NOW, and waiting, exploring all options for future paths to unfold. I can see this space I am in as only a temporary experience. Job and school - all this as a reference point - always brining me closer to my dream.

I prayed and cried and felt into my heart today as I stared up at the full moon. I fell asleep with the candle lit and the light of the moon touching me. God asked me, What do you want? And through it all, the answer came to me at last: HOME.

More than career, success, - I am seeking my home. Please God, bring me closer to that which I am seeking - my family, beauty, nature - my Home. I pray for this, please show me the way.

Striving to become a Free Human Being

finally alone enough to sit down to write a little bit. Also I have been on a farm with no phones, Internet, computers or anything. I have spent four days on this little paradise in Northern California just outside of mt. Shasta at the foot of the hill. A really amazing community of Anthroposophisits and Artists. I was very taken aback by the love and faith of the community, by the dedication of these people to the land and to the art. I fin myself at this moment in a really good space emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually. I was around such good people in such a healthy, clean environment. I completely recovered from the day of no sleep and heavy ceremony. I was so drained when I arrived on the farm that I could barely see straight or sleep. I was very low adrenal glands, very low in vitamins and etheric forces. I felt I had holes all around me. And this was very good to observe to, because it really means I can take a clear approach to my activities back home. I really needed to have this experience (thank you higher self) To be in one spiritual state - depleted, emotionally insecure, disconnected with myself even though i was prayer and being with a particular spiritual community - i was so out of balance so disharmonious, so disconnected from my true healthy continuum of energy - and then to be transported really without any effort of my part to this community of people who live so simply, close to the land, each other, the animals (draft horses, sheep, cows, ducks, goats, riding horses, and a ram). No electronics and really good healthy food from the farm (dairy, eggs, broth). The level of insight i gained from interacting wtih each other individually too, the books that were available fro me to read, the arts - singing and Eurythmy all of it so healing, so healthy, so whole. Like I stepped into a painting - and Iwas the disharmonious brush stroke, I could not exist in a work of art, i could not stay long without being completally transformed into the background of this masterpiece, of this work of art, of this healing image. Like a wet-on-wet painting (and I am refering here to many of Steiner's influences too, for this is an Anthroposophical community - biodynamic gardening, Eurythmy, painting, etc.) But just like a painting, the image comes through the color, the healthy, serene background - There exists the environment for the true painting of the soul to emerge. I really is quite marvelous. And thank goodness I am making none of this up, but the stomach pain has began to go away. I feel more back to myself than I have in a long time. I did a lot of resting, meditating, eating, walking, working, and talking with these fabulous people. I am so lucky to find something that truly fits what I have been asking for. We will see how it all unfolds. I am trying eally hard to not try to guess at where I will be next fall, in a new job, at this school, who knows!? But it feels so good to be on this path, it feels so right and so destined. I am not trying so hard and everything is just arriving. And the want to be a teacher is still right there, working its way though. At the bottom I am an artist, an expressive soul and I have so much dedication towards beauty and health. I am also working with a lot of free choice. How to make good choices for myself, and I know that it is happening little bit by little bit. It is arriving naturally as it should. I am so done with toiling and striving and struggling. I don't want to battle with myself, I want to paint and sing and move with myself! Bryan said something really true too. It is almost impossible to do it alone. It is a lot easier to do it with others, to be in community and shape oneself, ones will with the influence of trusted friends and family and teachers. With this guiding philosophy as well and the true work to bring the higher self into the lower self to transform the human being - i can feel and see what this community is reaching towards. What was wonderful was too feel the connection with the students there and to really feel their study, their hard work and their purity in this desire to know themselves truly. I have a lot to work on and think about when I get home. And I feel I can go home and really begin to sense where I am going, feeling less lost and a little more on track. I am excited to have finally found what I am here to do, to carry on this work with children and the study of myself - who knows what will come next. I also feel that I must just simply observe was arrises and not judge, make a choice, or know what I need next in my life, already I can see and feel that the things that are supposed to arrive will and are already. I am a free human being, my intention is to really discover this and really be this. It is not easy to come to terms with, to really know that, it does not happen over night - we are growing into that responsibilty, that love, that freedom. It is the work that I have always known is there, and to have it right here, so close to me - thank you angels and hank you Dr. Steiner and all those who were inspired by this teachings to bring it to us - to have schools where true pupils, desiring to understand, can go and learn.

The sphere of the spirit

The sphere of the Spirit is the soul's true home,
And Man will surely reach it
By walking in the path of honest Thought;
By choosing as his guide the fount of Love
Implanted in his heart;
By opening the eye of his soul
To Nature's script
Spread out before him through all the Universe,
Telling the story of the Spirit
In all the silent spaciousness of lifeless things,
And in the stream of Time--the process of becoming.

-Rudolf Steiner

for love for love for love this is what i live for

Woke up today with a little more will to get out of bed. How easily it is to sink into habits. I need a lot of sleep lately and taking care of this new K9 friend is both a blessing and a curse. He gets me up early to take him out running and I am greatful for the excuse to move my body. Again I have been engaging in poor body image and judgments on my physical appearance. Does everyone have this? It feels like such an epidemic.

I started voice and music lessons yesterday and it felt so wonderful to be studying and practicing music. It is slowly revealing itself to me and I am getting a little more confident on my instrument and with my voice. Having a music teacher once a week is really going to make all the difference.

I am avoiding what I really want to write about...

Depression. All I want to do is go lay in my bed. I don't feel the energy to even reach out to God. Little waves I sense His presence and I am greatful that he hasn't left me. I will sit in quiet relations with Him to hear what He has to say today...

Dear God,
Please show me what it is I must see.

To be allowing whatever arises? To not try to push away or change anything other than exactly how it is and shows up. To watch and observe without judgments. With neutrality. This is what I am working on, not to even judge my emotions or depressions, but to just respond with kindness and curiosity. Judging and changing emtions and states of being or doing is actaully taking me mroe away from the present - and identifies me with the drama of the story or feeling.

How do I reside in neutrality?

Oh thank you for that lesson Dear One! I can see now and appreciate what it is in my life that is given to me so perfectly to learn and grow.

My intention today is just to return to neutral whenever I face guilt, depression, tiredness, stress - these are my emotional states these days. All will pass, all is changing.

for love for love for love
this is what i live for

Growing Up is Not always Easy

Taking a deep breath in - why does it seem so difficult to see the beauty all around. As a child wakes up, everything is magic, and i crave that sensation once again. Taking care a of a new k-9 friend has reminded me of the joy of the outdoors and play and to stop being so serious. This change in pace is truly the perfect shake up which i needed. It seems so easy to step back into old mind habits and I am reminded to stay neutral. Just getting up and exercising every day and then writing is such a joy. Work too seems still to have this looming effect, but i know that i can transform that internally. I have such a wonderful opportunity to grow this program i run and to watch it blossom, and yet there is all this doubt and anxiety i carry inside. This is exactly what i am learning to transform. When I feel doubt and anxiety, or a sense of guilt or whatever, I need to stop, ring the bell and see it. I can choose to transition out of it. I am not powerless to it, only then will my creative potential arise - not out of guilt - that is just an old habit. And I am so thankful to have the teachers I do to help see this. I am so used to functioning in the old, overly thinking the past - and craving and visualizing/fantasizing about others lives. This sucks my creative potential - this consumes me. I can't jump to the other side until I look at and transform each emotion as it arises. To take it slowly and really visualize myself in the future as a teacher - always learning about herself! What joy! What a wonderful opportunity to be with children and enjoy, every day, the challenges of learning. I have forgotten what a struggle it is to learn things for the first time. Growing up is not always easy. I remember school often times being the worst possible place to go to, doing homework the last thing i wanted to focus on. My father would help me in the evenings with my homework and I needed to scribble and draw every 5 minutes. So he set a timer for me - five minutes of homework and five minutes of scribbling and drawing. It is funny how freshly this memory sits with me because I can understand, even at that age, how important this change was for me - my father was working with me to help the discomfort of learning something new. And in fact - i have no idea what i was learning at that time, but i do remember that scribbling!

Being in a new home is really really really helping me get out of the old. I think I am still going through this seasonal shift, this out of summer and into winter. thank goodness for Fall, thank goodness we have this transition season. It is so helpful to go through this dying process, letting go and again sinking in for the winter to visualize what next I will create in my life. There seems like so much ice everywhere energetically. Like I have to warm myself with enough love and understanding to melt this ice. My creative potential is just now flowering again with all the work I am doing in school to refire my music, voice, art, writing, acting. These things really are so important to the developing mind and I am so thankful to have Waldorf education and Anthroposophy to develop my waking mind.

I really feel it is necessary for myself to recognize when i am not in a space of neutrality. When I am constantly judging myself, I can't get anything done and everything I do is wrong. I am so grateful to have all this free time to study, learn, write, reflect, enjoy my time. As a teacher my time will be limited. And so to have this life right now, which seems full at times, but others, just the right amount of work - I feel so grateful.

There are things in the school which are complicated. My work school I mean, and it is hard not to constantly think i have to figure them out. I blow everything out of proportion and I forget that parents and teachers are really quite thankful and grateful for my work. I think I am always looking for something "to do" and not just being present in my heart, which is what children need. The doing is just a distraction to not feel emotional, or guilty - and these feeling are only coming up because they want to show me something. I am not sure just what it is I feel so guilty about all the time, like I am not capable at my job. I have such a deep desire to serve, and it is very new for me to be in a place of creative leadership that often times i just get overwhelmed. I really need to start giving myself more credit, and it is ok to just let the kids be and enjoy the time with them. The few ideas which are arising are taking a slow time to take effect, but that is ok too. Being in my power at work means being in myself, enjoying my presence as a force of love, attention and respect to the children. Conflict resolution and care giving. These two things are enough and as long as the kids are still being registered, there is nothing to stress about all the time. thank goodness for clarity. amen.

A new commitment to writing

Guidance from Eileen Caddy
Make Room for the New

Life is full and overflowing with the new, but it is necessary to empty out the old and make room for the new to enter. The emptying out process can be very painful, but it is necessary. You have to be willing to unlearn so much to make room for all those new and wonderful truths to enter and to become part of you. It is more difficult to unlearn than it is to learn. You may experience that feeling of barrenness, of having nothing to hold onto, of being alone and bereft of everything, a life dead and empty and with no meaning to it. Realize that it is a process of being emptied of the old so you can be filled with the new. Never give up faith. Then you can begin again in newness of spirit and of truth.

With that said, here I am in my new house sit situation. The breathing is still coming very shallow and slow and my thoughts and mind are still seeming to attack me at every turn. I wonder about when i was a teenager and feel that whatever i am going through now is very similar. Everything feels new and strange, everything feels like a huge struggle to overcome. I harvest so much guilt and shame for the littlest things. Every time I step outside of a rythem and eat a treat or go to bed late or even speak forcefully to a child at work, I am struck with this overwhelming experience of shame and guilt. Like I can't just let go. My Conscious Freedom Counselor speaks of being in my power. When I am feeling pain in my stomach it means I am not in my power and dislodging thoughts and feelings can come in and hook me and nock me over. That is just what it feels like. With everything changing in my old house I never felt safe, I didn't know how to be in my power when I wasn't happy with my surroundings or the people who were in my intimate surroundings. The house I just moved from was full of strangers coming and going and I felt uncertain as to how to "be" around them. My false small self was triggered and I was lost in wondering how I was supposed to act or talk to them. When I don't feel "seen" from others I react with putting up walls and avoiding interaction. This is funny, because how can anyone see me if I am hiding behind walls?

I would like to release that. When I am percieving others as a threat, instead of running away, how else could I respond? Perhaps remind myself that they are not in fact a threat, but just in their own heads, in their own reactions to their life and day. I was threatened by so many people as a child, (or that is what it felt like). I couldn't trust my extended family, my babysitter, even my friends were cruel to me at times. I ended up retreating into clouds of my own making and shutting the world out. Many days after school were spent alone and watching TV. I was alone sometimes for five hours before my mom came home from work. I created a comfortable reality to hide in.

Now when i try to escape to that comfortable reality I am hit with Karma and a big wake up call. There is no comofortable other reality, where we reside is this moment right here. When I didn't have the tools as a young girl to cope with that reality, to honor that the moment is actually very safe and peaceful (though it wasn't always) I did the next best thing and retreated into my mind. No wonder my mind is so active and full of stories and images to take me from feeling and sensing in this present moment. My feelings that arise are so intense that I just shut them down.

My breahting has been tight and controlled now for almost four months. My breath is shallow and gets caught in my diaphram. Each thing that happens that is not to plan is another reason to shut down and freak out.

I am working on creating a connection to source when I am in these moments. To find a heart space that is open and trusting, no matter what is happeing. This i feel is being in my power. this i feel is the only thing that actually works in these situations. I feel asleep most of the time these days. that other day when i went to 'escape' my life and go see a film (which was horrible and caused more stress than escapism) my car was towed and I ended up paying $400 total with all the costs of tickets, registration, and tow costs. That was sure a wake up call!

You can't just escape from life. You have to meet life with whatever it throws at you with focussed clear energy, there is always a truthful peaceful thread no matter what is happening. It is hard for me to "feel" my emotions durring this. To just allow them wash over me. Of cours I want to identify with them and cling to them for some sense of reality. And then my mind jumps in and takes me to that invisible world of illusion. While all of this occurs my breath is tight in my body.

I can't save other people. I can do the best I can with what is given me and I am learning immense things at this time. I know that I am actually a very good person. I spend a lot of my time proving to myself that I am a bad person, deserve nothing and reside in shame and guilt. Where did this all come from? The hardest thing is to continue to be alone and praise and love myself no matter what. This is what my heart and mind and the girl inside me truly wants. She also craves support in her power, in her leadership, in her good ideas. I can find everything else about what is not right about me - and get distracted at the 'big bad' world. Like the big bad wolf trickign little red riding hood - pretending she is safe as the grandmother, the little girl is beginning to wake up and see the big bad teeth, and the deep dark eyes, and the big furry ears - she is not stooped for long before the wolf is killed by the man with the axe. I do have an axe in my psyche. I need to take it out more and use it to cut the chords with the parts of myself that do not serve, the parts of myself that i know are truly not me. I want to cultivate what is me, who i am and what I believe in. I want to cultivate the me that loves life, takes it all in stride, and enjoys the highs and lows, because life is an ocean. Of course I am not perfect and no matter what is happening or how I am reacting - it is ok too. But truly, enough of this nonsense. i love my body, my mind, my soul, my looks, my life - and i am always working towards what works and i want to cultivate. I am in a learning curve right now. I am one by one stepping up to the plate to hit the home run which will truly take my life by surprise. I need to start giving myself more credit.

speaking from wisdom

It is my intention to become more familiar with the Wisdom inside of me. I have been having significant dreams and occurrences which signify divine wisdom as inherent in all of us. For me it is located deep within my solar plexus and shows up as a kind of silver crescent orb or moon which permeates out and through me. When I tap into it, very subtly at first, and with much patience, it begins to speak to me and I can ask questions and get very clear definite answers. I have not asked many questions but it seems to me that nothing is too small or too large to ask. I had a dream last night which showed me these different parts of myself. There is my incessant mind which believes it knows everything, can figure any thing out and tries to round out every problem into seemingly smooth stones. I wake up in the middle of the night, around 3:00am-4:00am (this is Vata time, a lot of wind-mind energy) - and hash over every detail of my life. It is actually really distressing, to wake up and disrupt my sleep. I have been saying mantras at this time and that has been helping a little as well. (Lord Shiva (Motion and Silence): Nama Shivia and the name of he moon mantra: Chan-Dra). My dream depicted this part of me which has a lot to say, in the figure of a man. He wouldn't stop shutting up, and I (showing up as how I look today-I believe my real me, my wisdom and my essential self) had a mouthful of apple cores. And every time the Man spoke, like he had to get a word in, I mumbled through the apple cores for him to stop speaking. I kept on taking the apple cores out of my mouth one at time as I was stopping him from speaking. Each time I interrupted him to be silent i removed another core. Until finally my mouth was empty and I could tell him the truth- to stop talking!!!! I often times do not listen to myself and have a habit of using food to depress my emotions and inner truth. This was the significance of the apples. But each time I turn inward and listen to myself and snap out of my Ego Mind and focus the inner eye on my real truth, my internal wisdom which speaks softly and carefully and which uses her words intentionally - I am removing all the years of habit of stuffing myself silent.

This place of wisdom requires a deep reverence for life and for silence and patience. A few things I am lacking these days. As we are going into Fall and then into Winter, the energies thicken and emotions are inflamed. After being sick as well, I can either learn from the lessons from being sick, have taken that time to really rest and readjust to the new phase of moon, the cellular clean-out I went through as a result of being sick in bed, or I can habitually return to the place of unrest, anxiety, and bullying myself throughout the day. I am so through with that!

But am I really?

I have been here so many times before, and I wonder how bad it will really get until I snap out of it. It takes my inner will and my observing eye to not identify with each passing emotion and thought pattern. This is the only way to true freedom, if one can consciously observe their inner state and continue to persevere toward the creative free will and the truth of the spirit, this will create a constant flow of fearlessness toward obstacles. Each obstacle which comes can either throw me back into my self loathing, mind games approach, or I can take a breath, notice what is going on, connect to my inner will and inner wisdom and totally shift my reality.

Rudolf Steiner suggests that the path to true understanding of the higher worlds relies firstly on reverence for life. If through out the day something comes up to throw you off, return to a thought or moment or a part of nature around you which can return you to a place of innocent wonder at life around you. For me this also has to go hand in hand with the mind seeing truthfully what it is that is so upsetting, allowing myself to feel it and naming it for what it is ( a root shadow of deprivation, unworthiness, or powerlessness). It is then, and only then, once I have named it for what it is, can I then freely choose my inner state of focus and attitude toward life and each obstacle.

It is so easy to go about things in the old way, to criticize and squeeze myself in a ball - for I usually am stressing myself out on some future event that I have committed too. When in actuality, in every moment - life has the perfection of truth to show me the clear way. Always connected to God.

Back Home

Needing to write after so many long long weeks away from stable ground. I have been traveling all over Oregon and California for the last 2.5 months. I left room for no expectations, and yet here I am home; very happy to be and also yearning for more of that spirit glide wind under my wings. I settle into a more stable schedule and the transition is actually very easy, something I have done many times before. I guess I am grateful for the practiced comfort of constant change. I am constantly watching my self-talk and transforming my self judgment into self nurturing and truth speaking. It is very very shocking now that I have began to notice just how much I unconsciously sabotage myself with my negative mind talk, how easy it is to slip into old patterns of being angry, weak, lazy, disturbed by everything around me. Living in a city again is the hardest transition. There is the street fair tonight and I tried to ride my bike down the middle, and there were so many people, so much noise pollution, so much swearing, chaos, anger, fear, disturbing energies that I just gave up. Three years ago this street fair was very different, more innocent and focused on the arts and expressing love. The innocent spirit of Love is so easily molested by false desire and show.

I am writing to just put some things down and in clearer perspective. i feel I may need to move out of my house. As I become more sensitive to energy, living so close to a busy street is quite draining. School has started and I would like a calm place to study. Ah! I want to be close to land! Traveling has put me on some gorgeous pieces of land and yet nothing felt like home. Is there a way I can live in the city and still feel close to nature? Is there a way to do this sanely?

My focus now is to be in school, Really take care of myself, love, laugh, be light, enjoy myself more. I have energetically closed myself to lower vibrating energies and have opened myself up to higher waves of love - especially when it comes to those who are coming into my life in a more affectionate, loving way. My life partner has not shown up yet and I take this to mean that I am still very much focusing on developing my own inner landscape. I am expanding my awareness and my capacity to hold loving, clear space for myself and others. I am developing my mind to understand and hold the immensity of this universe and this time that we are alive. I am also trying to put my ego in check! Meditation, observation, breathing, loving myself and engaging in the Welcoming Process and Conscious Freedom work have both been very essential. Engaging in private meditation with a new spiritual teacher has also been very very helpful. I also plan on getting regular reiki attunements, as the chaos energies are becoming more and more disturbing. Finding clean, quiet, authentic spaced to be in is more of a challenge. Even my home is somewhat disturbed.

I reached out today, feeling my inner mind begin to grasp hold of something outside of me. At one moment feeling lonely, as if no one understands. And then the soothing and calming presence of my guides and Angels became so crystal clear. I felt held by them, which is unusual, for their presence is usually very very subtle. What a gift that was!

This summer has been a lot of holding space for others and I am learning how to do it without taking on anyone else's drama, toxicity, negativity, pain, struggle, confusion. I found myself processing and thinking about others struggles long after my help was utilized. This left me drained and depleted. My tendency is to over think and analyze these situations to try to come up with better solutions. This is not helpful for me or for the situations I am referring to. Whatever I am being called to do or be in service for takes place in that moment and no more. The lesson then is to be fully present for it and then completely cut the chord when it is over. Weather it be listening to someone's internal process or struggle, holding the conscious heart space between two arguing friends, doing a healing for someone, even preparing a meal for someone - all of these types of services are meant to be done in the moment and then let go of. If I hold on to the argument days or even weeks after it is over, I am still depleting my very life force! I was cutting chords left and right this last week as I became aware of how much i was holding that wasn't even mine!

My intention is to shut my phone off more and focus inward, replenish and shape my days very artistically around clean and clear energy, love, beauty, and happiness. Lets see how it goes! I release negative, depleting thoughts, actions, and emotions! I welcome Love, Ease, Peace, Affection, Affirmation, and Beauty!

Razia - Mifohaza

Orchid Bees - Euglossa

experiencing the thin line of love and fear

Hello! Just when you think everything is made and the work is over, life hands me another huge piece of it! Lately I have been working to dismantle the outer layer of the false self and gingerly reveal the true self underneath. Very challenging work! What is this layer of elephant skin which hugs me so closely? Like an oversized Fireman's suit, it weighs me down and keeps me very secure and heavy in the face of so much perceived danger. Around others I am constantly watchful and weary or their scrutiny (really my own mind playing tricks on me). When I judge others, judge myself, hold myself stiff and tight it feels sharp and painful. I look to others for love to keep me from experiencing this suffering. I look to my phone messages, emails, positive looks and words from others to give me my worth and value. What keeps me from loving myself? What keeps me from being open and vulnerable in any situation? The more I study this life, the more I see that there really is nothing to be scared of. I know that this body is not all there is, I know that anything which happens comes purely in the divine will of the Creator. What then keeps me from bareing witness to my soul, openly loving my body, my path, my relationships, and my life? As if there were some outside scale with which to weigh what is worhty and what is not worthy. And writing this now, I see the self wearing this Iron Suit as worthy, as loved, as remarkably strong - only in this life to learn what that experience is like. She too is perfect. How to love all the selves which show up to experience this life?

I am ready to release this suit though. It keeps me from my freedom, from my soul essence, from my simple connection with the Creator. It is another device of separation - all energetic and created by the beliefs I made on my past experiences.


I asked my soul: what is keeping me from loving myself?
My soul answered: There is no space here to love.

This tightness which governs my good/bad and right/wrong keeps me imprisoned. As I breathe I let in the spaciousness which my soul desires, I let in all the fear and doubt. I let in even the pain of longing to be loved. Singing to the trees, naked to the world, gently stroking the peremeter of this encasement I ask, I ask, I ask:

Please release me.

I release you. I release you. I release you.

May my heart be on fire. My my soul know freedom. May my mind express openly without ego.

I release you tightness, hardship, anger, laziness and passivity, I release the self which uses others to determine her worth. I release the self which closes with fear when there is unknown, when there is no one there holding her, when the mind creates thin walls of thought and belief.

I release you. I release you. I release you.

May my heart be filled with love. My my soul know my true path. My my mind learn to drop away from doubt.

Divine Mother and Father - I adore you with all my soul. Please present to me the obstacles so I may overcome them to reside in my authentic self, fearless, open, grateful and abundant. May I sit steadfast on my cushion. May I sing with all of me. May I dance and pray with abandon. May I be an example of open hearted passion and safe free expression. May I know compassion for all my brothers and sisters and all the creatures of the world. May all be released from this suffering. May we know peace.

Amen.

Farm love

Recently moved to the Farm! Living under a beautiful Cedar Tree! some tales of the tale...

Eating a gooey chocolate chip and sweet potato cookie in between typing. Marveling at what a full weekend I have had! What I did today: Tomato and squash planting in the dawn of the sun, Preparing food for 15 people who are participating in a Permaculture design course (Indian mung bean dish, baked french fries, fresh farm green salad, and fruit salad). In trade for cooking food I was able to sit in on their classes today and learned how to measure distances without a measuring tape and got to sit in on a slide show on thermal dynamics, no waste farming while creating biodiversity for niche climates and organisms. Qi-gong in the woods, Conversations with farmies. What I did yesterday: Collecting slugs and worms to feed baby ducks who explored life outside their cage for the first time, weeding, cleaning up and re-organizing small nursery, meditation, sleeping, trip into town for sister circle with my new Isreali friend; Hadas.

All of this while integrating the change in relationship to a loved one. Reestablishing love with myself, relaxing into Gods perfect by perfect moments each moment. Letting Go into Surrendered prayer. Crying. Letting go of expectations. Noticing the pollen drifting in the sky like silken sail boats in the wind. Resting.

Where am I now? Opening into my heart, sensitizing to subtle fragile vibrations of love and light, loving myself loving myself ever practicing loving myself, listening whole heartedly to myself creates the space to listen and be present whole heartedly for everything else. Observing rather than doing. Letting go again. Still holding onto something deep within my gut, lower dan-tien-related to survival and shocked anticipation at life. Relaxing into that feeling and releasing stagnation. Learning to stand with balance and flow - hips tilted forward, back and shoulders relaxed, feeling K move up and down spine. Admiring people's eyes. Everyone has such beautiful eyes! Learning to appreciate everyone, especially those who I want to not let in, allowing myself to question that side of myself.

My intention for this month, as new moon creates renewal and change. My intention: Pray and meditate every day. Establish a place on the farm to pray and meditate every day. Observe and let go of expectations, listen into where Divine Mystery is guiding me, integrate all this change, write about love, experience love, fall in love each moment, allow love to open me up and expand me - rest and solitary time. Art.

Thank you for reading! peace to you!

The Light Beings will Return

Please check out this fabulous video with Little Grandmother and very clear message on what 2010 is about and the culmination of the Last Prophecy. Thank You!
http://vimeo.com/9928120

The Practice of Surrendering to the Source

By

Rev. Anakha Coman



The crisis, as well as the opportunity, of our time is to surrender our ego and
conditioned fear mechanisms to the primary torsion energy of unconditional love
that is seeking to evolve us and is calling us as a species home.
— Sol Luckman





“The key to all you could become lies in your willingness to let go, and to allow
the metamorphosis, in which you are deeply enmeshed, to proceed.”
— Rasha





Surrendering completely to love, be it human or divine, means giving up everything,
including our own well-being or our ability to make decisions. It means loving in the deepest sense of the word. The truth is that we don't want to be saved in the way God has chosen;
we want to keep absolute control over our every step, to be fully conscious of our decisions,
to be capable of choosing the object of our devotion.
— Paulo Coelho





Every birth is a holy act of surrender.
— Anakha Coman



The Surrendered Life × The Mystic’s Edge × The Emergent Zone × Powerlessness as an Expression of Power × Devotion and Deep Integrity × Rewiring for Oneness × Embracing the Sacred Death × Dying into New Life × Dynamic Surrender × Celebrate the Essential Through Surrender × The Great Unknowing × From the Domain of the Ego to the Devotion of the Soul



What is Surrender?

Stillpoint: Surrender is state of being, an inclination of the heart towards God. It asks for your devotion, giving yourself fully to each moment as it unfolds before you. To live a surrendered life is to give your heart to Love in rapture, in ecstasy, in grief, in anger, in sadness, in dismay, in joy, in elation — to donate yourself and your life to serving the fires of Love.

Surrender is an embodied, “lived” state, not a mental concept; a way of being and a condition of the heart. Surrender softens your face, your gaze, your heart and your body making you pliable to bend with the flowing changes of life while remaining deeply rooted. Your mind’s grip of fearful frenzied thinking and strategizing releases so that it can serve the emergence of your Soul. It is at the threshold of surrender where you meet the immensity, intensity and intimacy of Life. This is where playing at life – masquerading and manipulating – cease and the organic, soul-sourced impulse begins to move in you, as you, animating the life within you. Surrender invites the movement of inspiration, grace and humility. It creates the uncreated. The desire of you – the true essence of you, the embodied “I AM” – is born in these precious moments of surrender.

Surrender brings us face to face with what is real, genuine, whole and harmonious within us that seeks expression in each moment. Surrender takes us to the threshold of unknowing and avails us to the magnitude and miracle of each moment where we meet the great expanse of the Divine Mystery sprawled out before us. It takes the cork off bottled up life force, ideas, longings, desires, dreams, aspirations, and emotions; opening us to the unbridled freedom and spontaneity of the life. Surrender activates the Divine emergence; our Soul’s entelechy and unique curriculum presenting as our inner and outer life conditions. It delivers us to our knees in powerlessness where we become divinely empowered, employed and expressed.

What is it we are surrendering to? We are surrendering to being lived, to being created, to being loved, to being moved, transformed, lifted and resurrected into greater and greater states and stations of wholeness and love. {Corinthians 3:18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.} We are surrendering to Life itself – to the fully embodied and glorious experience of Life. There is rapture in surrender; a meeting of and merging with our unconditioned self, our native nature, and our naked essence. When the neat, tidy categories – our addiction to logic, reason, perfection and control – fall away, dissolve and retreat into nothingness we meet our original Self. Unencumbered by idealism and projections of what should be, surrender delivers us to the altar of what is now and what is emerging from depths of presence, our divine humanity.



Cease practice based
On intellectual understanding,
Pursuing words and
Following after speech.
Learn the backward
Step that turns
Your light inward
To illuminate within.
Body and mind of themselves
Will drop away
And your original face will be manifest.
— Dogen

It is in the depths of surrender that we meet life, that we experience life and that we powerfully engage with the opportunities to receive and give, to love and be loved, to create and be created. There is a pliability and receptivity born from a Soul in surrender that creates the inner conditions, rich with nutrients, for the Divine idea to germinate, spring forth and blossom in growth. Surrender is the Soul crying out to her Beloved, “play me, play me, take me, take me. I am an instrument in your hands.” And through this breathtaking devotion we become fashioned into the instruments of love that we are. The Divine begins strumming our heart strings, pouring love’s elixir into our parched and thirsting mouths, quenching the arid territory of a Soul separated from the essential Source. Surrender is “I thirst,” a deep desire for the Divine, for Life, for Union — the Soul in surrender, is the Soul in longing, “I thirst for God, I yearn for union, I desire love, I long to open in love, and to serve love.” It is the soul’s exhaustion from living “separate” from God and striving in the limited mind that compels and evokes the depths of our surrender. Surrender expands our heart into the Divine heart through our release and our devotion.

Breathless and intoxicated we give ourselves to Life with tremoring faith in our hearts. We admit our powerlessness and surrender to a power greater, an idea ever more amazing and uplifting. This is true empowerment – surrendering to the Divine Source of Life, to the Divine Idea and to the way unfolding in front of us. Surrender knows that a possibility exists that on our own accord we cannot perceive or conceive. Surrender delivers us to the Divine doorway where we experience an intimate communion. This is where emergence begins.

Surrender is not a point we reach once or twice in our lifetimes. It is a constant, a way of being and living. It is a way of relating and attending to that which is arising, arriving and emerging. It is a giving of oneself to life, to the moment, to the alchemical and unpredictable process of our own becoming. Surrender is a way of relating to self, God, others and life. It asks for our “sacrifice” of struggle – struggling for, struggling against, struggling with – and to embrace an artful allowing and a communion with creation as it flows to and through us and into the world of our relationships, our finance, our health and our creative endeavors.

In the presence of surrender our receptivity to life and inspiration and love increases a thousand fold. We upgrade from drinking from a leaky faucet to being showered in a fountain surging with blessings. Surrender is being in union with the blessing of life – a fully embodied communion with love, well being, sustenance, guidance, inspiration and divine nourishment. It is a state of grace-FULL-ness and of heart-FULL-ness. We receive this blessed experience so that we might give of our selves. It is through surrender that giving of what is deepest and truest within us can flow into expression. When we exhaust all other routes, surrender is what delivers us home to the state of blessedness, it is the direct route home to God.


The Surrendered Life

“Serving the emerging whole means paying attention to what's right here within my awareness, what's completely local, and surrendering to what's being asked of me now.”
— Betty Sue Flowers

We cannot know what is seeking to emerge if we are holding to what has been with a tight, clenched fist. Surrender asks that we release the grip, open the hand and let loose of all the ideas and good intentions we have attempted to overlay onto our lives, oftentimes moving in opposition to our soul’s emergence. Surrender brings all of the conditions of our lives into immediate alignment and places us in service to the Divine idea that is seeking to emerge.

The surrendered life is a life lived in constant communion and devotion to the Divine movement and will, surrendering our lesser intentions, distractions and machinations to the larger and greater work of our Soul. It is a life of surrendered prayer which requires our devotion, our diligence, our presence and our mindfulness. This is not permission to cast an absentee vote into the winds and tides to be tossed about haphazardly. This is an intentional, devoted and deeply spiritual act of understanding our deep purpose to serve the growing oneness and to be advocates of presence, awareness and unconditional love. It begins with a surrendered heart, a surrendered will, a surrendered intellect, asking that the Divine Idea become the most powerful force for movement, creation, interaction and interplay in our lives. It is a letting go of our need to know, our need to fix, organize, perfect and control. Surrender is the sacred art of allowing and remembering to deeply trust the presence of God at the center of our being and our lives.

Many of us resist the idea of surrender. We think that it requires giving up some experience of good and well being, when in actuality the Divine Ideas holds infinitely more blessing and richness and goodness than anything the limited ego mind can imagine or create. When we set our intention to the course (frequency) of love, of oneness, of joy, we surrender into the emergence, the blueprint that will deliver us to that experience as it unfolds moment to moment. There is sufficiency in surrender; it is the most expedient route to our own hearts, our own congruence and connection with God, life and others. It is through surrender that the sacred reconnection is made. When we can no longer see a way, a way will be made for us through surrender; it will be revealed to us and will emerge from deep within us. St. Teresa of Avila described surrender when she said, “The soul must forget about {understanding}, and abandon itself into the arms of love, and His Majesty will teach it what to do next.”

{Insert story: the mystic’s response when faced with a transformation, a whole-hearted yes.}

The surrendered life is a life devoted to serving love’s awakening on the planet through our personal awakening and service. It asks for all and it blesses all. All aspects of our lives are placed in the arms of surrender; everything is donated to serve the fire of love and life. When we let go and let be with conscious awareness and intention, we draw to us all resources mystical and physical, seen and unseen to nurture the emergence coming into being. What are we surrendering to? Ultimately and most simply we are surrendering to Love, to love’s creative, imaginative, transformative, provocative force.

Hold nothing back.
Open your chest and pour out all that lives there
Into the sacred fire of love
Live again in the Divine Truth
The Spirit of enthusiasm that surrender calls forth
Breath in, breath out…
Allow the holy breath to
Stir you into your next becoming!
Ah, sweet surrender
You are indeed the doorway
To the Kingdom of riches.
You hold the key
Cracking the code of the
Great emergence on the planet.



Are you willing to not know? Are you willing to loosen the grip of control and maneuvering to allow for a more easeful, graceful and powerful path to emerge? Can you surrender your faith in your self-will and self-control to receive liberation in knowing and living the Divine course for your life? Are you willing to lay down your idea and open to the Divine Idea of what a life worth living will look, feel, sound, smell and taste like?

The surrendered life is a life lived in a consciousness of communion, of willingness and of curiosity. I am reminded of the powerful alchemy created within the 12-Step Recovery movement. There is a deep and powerful surrender available through these steps (revised for the Law of Emergence):

1. As I stand at the edge of my own emergence and peer into the great unknown, I stand open and vulnerable to the life that desires to live in and as me. I know that I cannot manage, control, manipulate or contain this Life, nor do I want to pretend that I can for one second longer. I am humbled and in awe of the great unknown and the magnitude of that which is seeking to emerge within me and within my life – wholeness, oneness, goodness, wellness and happiness. “I release, I let go.”

2. In this moment of sacred silence, I know that something beautiful is seeking to emerge within me and within all expressions of life – my finances, my relationships, my creativity, my health and my consciousness. I know that the Divine has a plan and a purpose that is in operation at the center of my being and this plan is actively bringing me into relationship with my wholeness and brilliance, my essential oneness with all.
“In the stillness, I remember I AM.”

3. I remember that my true power is activated within my surrender to this great emergence, to the Divine’s Idea for me, my life and its many expressions. I surrender my lesser ideas and self-will, to the highest good and Divine Will. I surrender to the God Idea, to the good that is seeking to emerge. I rest in the knowing that all is well, in all matters of my life, all is well. “I will my will Thy will.”

Surrendering to Source is an act of high accountability and is an expression of core strength. Surrendering is dynamic and active and requires a reverential alertness to the movements of the Spirit. Unknowing brings us into contact with the brilliance, competence and genius of the Universe. Surrender avails us to, puts us into proximity with the emergent brilliance of the universe. We do not need to figure it out, nor can we. We do not need to fix or heal, nor can we. A powerful act in this time is to admit our powerlessness over what has been created and surrender to a new consciousness that remembers the Divine Idea that created the cosmos both heaven and earth, that same intelligence and life force and power and innate creativity lives within us, surrounds us and can move within us given our willingness to allow it. Be willing to be swept away.

In the surrender of the heart, the soul can speak without the stifling controls of the ego. The heart becomes free to utter the prayers that vibrate and resonate with all of creation. We can cultivate the surrendered heart moment to moment as we choose vulnerability, openness, exposure and transparency over control, masking, posturing and competition.


Surrendering to the Essential

How easily we get trapped in that which is not essential — in looking good, winning at competition, gathering power and wealth — when simply being alive is a gift beyond measure.” — Parker J Palmer

Stillpoint: Let us surrender to the essential, let us offer up our hopes and our burdens to the essential, let us let go into the essential. Let us burn in the holy fires of the essential. Let us be born again, anew in the essential.

Surrendering to the essential. This is the movement of the emergence, to surrender to the essence of the moment and the essential unfolding. What is essential? This question, when taken deeply within our core and answered, guides us, inspires us: leading us into the sacred emergence occurring at the center of our lives. We surrender the essential within us to the essential within life in sacred union, a fusion that moves us into the flow of creation. I surrender what is essential within me to what is essential in all life. I surrender to the essential movement that is occurring within my life and within the Divine Life.

It is time for us to evolve to a consciousness where we invest our energies in serving the creation of what is essential in our lives and on the planet. At times we may not know what is essential and our surrender to it is enough to bring us into this divine flow and to activate the emergence. This is what it means to serve the essential, to live a surrendered life. Every moment, every relationship, every idea, every fear, every addiction, every compulsion, every conversation, every decision is surrendered to the Source and that Source is unconditional love. We invite the Divine Presence in to take charge of our thinking, our breathing, our living, our loving, working, serving. We surrender to the truth that this is already happening and our striving against it is the most unnatural thing. Surrender is natural to the heart of love. Everything exists to serve the emergence and surrender is the key to unlocking the hidden power in all experiences, relationships, emotions, challenges, inspirations. To surrender is to align with the Source of Life, dynamically opening to ourselves and to the world in service to love.

God be in my head and in my understanding
God be in my eyes and in my looking
God be in my mouth and in my speaking
God be in my tongue and in my tasting
God be in my lips and in my greeting

God be in my nose and in my smelling/inhaling
God be in my ears and in my hearing
God be in my neck and in my humbling
God be in my shoulders and in my bearing
God be in my back and in my standing

God be in my arms and in my reaching/receiving
God be in my hands and in my working
God be in my legs and in my walking
God be in my feet and in my grounding
God be in my joints and in my relating

God be in my guts and in my feeling
God be in my bowels and in my forgiving
God be in my loins and in my swiving
God be in my lungs and in my breathing
God be in my heart and in my loving

God be in my skin and in my touching
God be in my flesh and in my paining/pining
God be in my blood and in my living
God be in my bones and in my dying
God be at my end and at my reviving

Extended from the traditional prayer of Reverend Jim Cotter
and printed in his book Prayer at Night. Cairns Publications,
Sheffield, England. 1988.

Naked Heart, Inc.
Anakha Coman, MA ABS, M.Div.
http://www.naked-heart.com
anakha@naked-heart.com
Twitter: @anakhacoman
Phone: 503.334.6262