Razia - Mifohaza

Orchid Bees - Euglossa

experiencing the thin line of love and fear

Hello! Just when you think everything is made and the work is over, life hands me another huge piece of it! Lately I have been working to dismantle the outer layer of the false self and gingerly reveal the true self underneath. Very challenging work! What is this layer of elephant skin which hugs me so closely? Like an oversized Fireman's suit, it weighs me down and keeps me very secure and heavy in the face of so much perceived danger. Around others I am constantly watchful and weary or their scrutiny (really my own mind playing tricks on me). When I judge others, judge myself, hold myself stiff and tight it feels sharp and painful. I look to others for love to keep me from experiencing this suffering. I look to my phone messages, emails, positive looks and words from others to give me my worth and value. What keeps me from loving myself? What keeps me from being open and vulnerable in any situation? The more I study this life, the more I see that there really is nothing to be scared of. I know that this body is not all there is, I know that anything which happens comes purely in the divine will of the Creator. What then keeps me from bareing witness to my soul, openly loving my body, my path, my relationships, and my life? As if there were some outside scale with which to weigh what is worhty and what is not worthy. And writing this now, I see the self wearing this Iron Suit as worthy, as loved, as remarkably strong - only in this life to learn what that experience is like. She too is perfect. How to love all the selves which show up to experience this life?

I am ready to release this suit though. It keeps me from my freedom, from my soul essence, from my simple connection with the Creator. It is another device of separation - all energetic and created by the beliefs I made on my past experiences.


I asked my soul: what is keeping me from loving myself?
My soul answered: There is no space here to love.

This tightness which governs my good/bad and right/wrong keeps me imprisoned. As I breathe I let in the spaciousness which my soul desires, I let in all the fear and doubt. I let in even the pain of longing to be loved. Singing to the trees, naked to the world, gently stroking the peremeter of this encasement I ask, I ask, I ask:

Please release me.

I release you. I release you. I release you.

May my heart be on fire. My my soul know freedom. May my mind express openly without ego.

I release you tightness, hardship, anger, laziness and passivity, I release the self which uses others to determine her worth. I release the self which closes with fear when there is unknown, when there is no one there holding her, when the mind creates thin walls of thought and belief.

I release you. I release you. I release you.

May my heart be filled with love. My my soul know my true path. My my mind learn to drop away from doubt.

Divine Mother and Father - I adore you with all my soul. Please present to me the obstacles so I may overcome them to reside in my authentic self, fearless, open, grateful and abundant. May I sit steadfast on my cushion. May I sing with all of me. May I dance and pray with abandon. May I be an example of open hearted passion and safe free expression. May I know compassion for all my brothers and sisters and all the creatures of the world. May all be released from this suffering. May we know peace.

Amen.