I have been viewing life thourgh a very limited lense recently. Noticing that when I can only see challenge, struggle, walls - then anxiety rushes in to topple me with it's hard hammer-like fists. And I feel alone in the world and without a brother or a sister.
Of ourse, I know this is not true.
For I fell asleep last night with messages from wonderful friends and a phone call with my dear sweet sweetest. And I have not been on the phone with the Higher Love for some time. I have not called Home, so to speak. And I wonder - how in the world can anyone go anywhere and do anything without this connection to Love?
I feel afraid. I feel like I have made so many mistakes and I am feeling very afraid. I feel lost at times and intensely without guidence. Where do I find this guidence? Where do I look? How do i find the answers?
I wish it to all be more simple. All more quiet most of the time - and all more clear. I wish it to be easy to walk a path of self - forgiveness, washing clean the eyes that are clouded. Washing away the intense energies that come in and give me heartache. I wish these energies were not so familiar and I wish so much that I had knowledge of how to work with them. For I feel sometimes, most times -overwhelmed with anxiety.
And I realize now that I am an HSP (Highly Snesetive Person) - though this does not make things easier, just because I have a label for this aspect of my "self". It is just something to note and to understand that being in the world can sometimes feel like "too much".
Often times I work hard to "get it straight" to "go with full force" to "push through" - and then I feel somewhat like a shark is at my heels and that there is not enough time to get up for air. This is what anxiety feels like, this is what the daily grind feels like. I want so dearly to let down my load and walk a simple path - reflecting on what is true and right in each moment - listening and connecting to a Higher Source Within. This I feel would give me the sustenance and the time to work digilently and well toward my goals. Having the assuredness and confidence to walk with head held high.
What do I mean by this exactly? What does it mean to walk with a head held high? What does it mean to walk in the world with dignity, Grace and love? What does it mean to have your True Self in full view with each and every choice at hand? How does one begin?
It is not a "get in the car and drive" kind of answer. It is not a "once you have it, you always have it" - it is a perspective, a lense and a practice.
It is a place to go inside to remember who you really are and to act in inspired truth toward your next baby step. There is no "getting off for a rest" for the train is always moving, slowly, without hesitation, along its course.
What do I mean by the train? I am speaking of course of this spiritual life. This co-existence with all of our physical and invisible bodies, modes of perception, and beliefs - right alongside everyone else's... Right along side all aspect of life. My Life coexisting with ALL LIFE.
What does one decision mean in the ripening of the whole? What can one human thought express in the vast infinite cosmic thought of Universal Consciousness?
How about we start here:
Stop.
Breathe.
Return.
Feel it all.
Relax.
Move a little.
Notice something beautiful in your environment.
Notice what is around you.
Become still
And
Open your eyes to that
Higher Place.
When I say eyes - I do not mean physical eyes. I mean the eyes that are a doorway into the More that is all around you. And when you return here and to remembering who and what you really are, something ancient appears - something that is infinite and without name. Something which is carrying your tiny body through this great life.
How do I begin to walk with this connection?
When you walk with this connection in your Self, it is like you are being carried in a cradle of Safety. And there is no anxiety. No need to stress about the next 7 weeks. There is only a space to breathe, to be quiet and to feel at peace. And there is room, plenty of room to walk forward.
How do we know that we are at peace?
Feel peace right now within your heart and breathe it in. Be kind and be open to what is there.
With so much rushing and noise in this world. With so much "to do" - it can often be the last thing we remember to do before we go to bed - to "stop" and listen. It may not even come up for a whole day, to do this. It may be that we haven't stopped to take a peaceful breath in well over a month. What does the body/brain reveal if it has not been allowed to rest in this breathing Peace? How can a body/brain actually function with any real connection to a larger aspect of itself when a body feels so much anxiety, stress, tension, disease at all times?
Perahaps this is the year in which you are ready to ask these questions. Perhaps this is the year in which you are ready to look deeper and notice how your body feels. To notice if you are numb or awake to this sensetive place.
It does not surprise me that most people in this larger Paradigm are addicted to social media, to alcohol or drugs or food. In fact, I am addicted to most of these things myself. In fact, I will admit that some days I do not know how I will get though the day unless i have a place to release some of this tension. Often I do not choose what is most ready at all times - my breathe, and instead turn to some other aspect that is quick and easy.
I wonder how many people are walking around with this type of tension in their bodies at all times? I wonder how many people are stuck in a similar place of anxiety and fear and insecurity?
To be honest - this has been the main backdrop to my existence for most of my life. Perhaps for the past 7 or 8 years anxiety is in constancy. How do I maintain a healthy nervous system? I need regular movement. I need regular times to release tension. And I need regular walks.
I wish my skill in life were to heal quickly and be avaliable for those around me to give them more attention. The truth is I am spending a lot of this life healing myself. I am spending a lot of my time and energy, when I am not with friends or working - in a process of healing. Healing anxiety, healing pain in the body, healing negativity.
Perhaps healing is not the right word. But atuning, correcting, returning, breathing. This is my constant cradle and where I return to seek peace and guidence. Sometimes it takes a long time to get still. Sometimes I do not want to leave my house. Sometimes it may take all day to recognize that I have not been still inside for over 24 hours. Stillness and peace are states of mind, and unless we choose to seek them out, they will not arrive on their own. They feel like great meadows of wild flowers - sweet with honey and wildness - and they are waiting for each and every life to come here and to express this peace in the world.
I believe...
...We are unable to return to Peace in our outer society -( in our political wars, our social identity wars, our human wars, and financial wars )- becuase we are unable to return to peace within.
- - -
I have a message of peace. And I would like to share it with all of you. I have a message of great Stillness that wishes to touch your heart and land in your open palm with light feathery wings. It is this:
Do you feel shame? Unease? Anxiety? Craving something that is not there? Do you feel afraid and unreal at times? Do you feel invisible and alone and lost? Is there a dark cloud and a deep grief crying inside of you?
It's okay. I have that too. I feel this inch by inch at times, and I feel the Earth as if she were inside of me. I feel the stress and corruption of the Powers that are unfathomable. I am afraid too.
But I seek peace because it is the one and only place which yields me all my yearnings and stills me to allow and not rush in with answers. She is here inside of me right now writing these words and she is speaking to you too.
As if a great storm just passed, Peace speaks like the cloud that opened and is revealing the open sky and horizon with a setting sun - Peace speaks out: there is infinite amounts of time (for time is unreal) and infinite pathways to find me - there is no wrong way and I am here for you always.
I am Still. I am Now. And I am Here.
Breathe. Rest with me. Be at Peace. Feel connected to deep stillness. Do not run. Walk toward me and I will embrace you entirely and hold you. I am a clean clear and cool drink of water. I satiate and sustain. I am green healthy trees in a forest of calm. And I am always here with you.
I am Peace.
