Stepping up to who I am

After so many days breaking open my heart and mind in a new expression of love for God and the Self, winter approaches to freeze the deal and allow me time to rest. I have been up and down in the last few years and I have come to a place of, "Oh yes, I have done a lot of work. A lot of my life is supporting me and my devotion to my heart's path." If you think that you are stuck and see no end to your turmoil - job, money, family, etc. Please do not give up. Please know that there is a divine plan working for you and through you. You are being guided at every moment. Know that every circumstance in your life is an opportunity to throw yourself into the change and transformation which will shift you in a new direction, away from all that does not serve you.

A woman came up to me yesterday after a show. She looked me in my eyes and said, "You have it don't you. You are so happy. I can see it in your eyes. You have it."
I just looked back at her with full expression of my heart and said, "It is so easy. It is so easy." Letting her know that it is possible, that it is a sacred Truth- that light and love are possible, are natural divine expressions of the soul. I am not saying that one must be happy at all times, that the good must triumph over pain and suffering. I am expressing a new understanding and comfort in myself that reflects the work of going through the dark night of the soul and coming out the other end fully engaged with the light. Breaking open the heart into the center of my being creates the momentum of such change and surrender that Light is now a stronger source of energy and movement in my life. I had to give up a lot of myself and my ideas to come to a place of intuitive faith and trust in the divine plan and my place in it. To trust that if I surrender, my path will open to me and God will directly guide me toward the movement and action that needs to be taken. It was these steps and the surrendering of my smaller self that has lead me to where I am now.

I recognize myself as one who does not settle for anything less than wholeness, kindness, compassion, and mercy. If I throw myself down on my knees and open my heart to God, I expect a result. If I am faced with a drama or situation from another which forces me to look at myself and my behavior, I look. I look, listen, and act from the best of my integrity to grow and develop into a wiser being with a stronger inclination toward the light. I do not dwindle in the pain long, I use it as momentum to grow and re-birth myself. I know that every situation that calls for my attention is being called for a reason. I meditate on how I can be of assistance for God, how I can grow into a stronger and lighter being, what the best use of my energy is, and who in the situation needs affirmation and love.

I have a very strong desire to serve humanity. This desire does not come from my mind, but from my heart. It is this desire which motivates me every day to learn more about my world and about my particular gifts and callings in this life. How do i work? What do I work for? What is keeping me from my service and active presence to every moment, medium, object, and being. It is usually "I" and the choices that "I" make which keep me from this larger harmony and flow. As I learn to step away from what I want and what the rebel in me chooses, the larger self can be the intuitive directive flow which graces my life.

This is the place that I am in. After two months of incredible transformational and direct experiences of the divine at work through me, through those around me, and in the very breath and air of life, I am somewhat back to the basics again. How to move and act with this clear self. But don't get me wrong, the other self is still there attempting to trick me and bump off my road at every move. I now take it less seriously and get to play more. I am learning compassion for myself and grace as I steer my vehicle along this divine path.

I find that life has this equilibrium and disequilibrium law. In disequilibrium life is in a state of transformation and change and cyclical shifts. This is a time for creative influx, insight, movement and new change. This is a state I am very used to. In Disequilibiruam we are being blown like a leaf off a tree as fall turns to winter. It is a beautiful dance with nature and God. Often times I completely lose myself in this dance and this feels exactly right. I have no control and yet new grace, art, love, harmony are the simplest actions at every moment. People, places, activities fit in a flow of constant synchronicity and enjoyment. There are times of disequilibirum that feel so intense that when my mind tries to understand, it feels shattered at the weight of intense movement and insight. In Equilibrium we must learn to embody and ground with these wave like reverberations from the state before. We learn to balance and harmonize in this larger state of awareness. As I approach the equilibrium state, I can either fall back down to where I was before the transformational experience and forget everything I just went through, or I can use my new knowledge and energy from my experiences as a place of wisdom and insight as I take a breath and re-harmonize and ground. Each state of equilibrium is a step higher and more in tune with where I want to be going and what I am being called to do. It is in these equilibrium states that support a grounded and clear presence where real active work can be done. The problem with equilibrium and human nature is that we often find it hard to hold these states and unconsciously create disequilibrium in harmful ways. If we can withstand, meditate and hold a conscious breathing space for our new awareness we will be lead organically to the next natural state of disequilibrium without our harmful influence. This process makes me think of a coil spiraling upwards, always higher than the spot below, but in a cyclical movement - unlike a linear ladder or stair pattern.