What a night...actually two nights. I feel my spirit returning after a hiatus. What wonderful people I know, who are willing to swim in new depths, exploring underwater currents of bliss and sensation~ all for the joy of it!
Tonight there was a group farewell for a friend who loves Contact Improv and Water Dance. So in a sacred gathering we said farewell to her by combining the two. Water dance with Contact Dance. It was fabulous. I at first felt myself standing at the water's edge not wanting to tread water. I was just going to arrive say goodbye and leave. I was telling myself the story that I was "too" sensitive energetically. A concept I would like to explore more in detail, for it seems it is more a habit of avoiding uncomfortable settings or not being direct with my words when I am around uncomfortable people. I take the blame and say that I am "too sensitive" When really I am needing to claim my power and assert my needs. I was telling myself this particular story about not wanting to get in the water with older men, not knowing their breed or birth. Then a lovely woman arrived and she was naked and jumped right in. Soon my little heart was aching to be in the water and feel the sensation of dance and movement while afloat currents of change.
It was at first a little new. Wading, flipping, gliding, touching, turning, sliding. Nakedness became a new curiosity as I was able to gaze clearly through the stream with goggles. I was a kid again, playing innocently in the pool with friends. We were dolphin children, sky dancers, naked trapeze artists.
I asked myself to let go, to trust and soon I became a current of water. Soon I was completely free in my presence and in my light. Nothing was there to fear, nothing was there touching me or grabbing me or forcing me. Nothing was there to be guilty about. I was experiencing my childlike girlhood, spirit, innocence, loving and whole fully embodied in my womanhood. This was truly a healing experience and one I can take psychologically and physically inside, easy to integrate.
It took me back to the other day while walking through the woods and looking back on my life. All the things that I ever feared, behind them...there was really nothing scary going on, nothing to be afraid of. All that fear was my mind projecting a scary image or story or made up belief. Even the trauma I felt as a child or the divorce or sexual abuse~these things too were nothing to fear. All the men in my life who misused their sexual energy, all the anxious and difficult high school memories, even the contact I made with aliens when I was Ten years old! How many silly stories were placed over very simple truths.
The forest brought this message to me. Viewing the spooky branches reaching out at me, I could project my spooky thoughts on those trees, the goblins, the haunted darkness. But behind that projection, just trees. What is behind the trees? Spiritual forces, a divine perfect whole alchemy at work which is benevolent and trust-worthy and good. Man created fear. And so to work with fear is simply a process of removing the layers of belief and story and seeing the true reality staring back at me: The trees in their strong arching limbs, bowing down all around me.
The water too, its simplicity of innocence with others simply exploring the body, the water, a moment, a glimpse at the swimming brightly true essence of Self.
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