Woke up today with a little more will to get out of bed. How easily it is to sink into habits. I need a lot of sleep lately and taking care of this new K9 friend is both a blessing and a curse. He gets me up early to take him out running and I am greatful for the excuse to move my body. Again I have been engaging in poor body image and judgments on my physical appearance. Does everyone have this? It feels like such an epidemic.
I started voice and music lessons yesterday and it felt so wonderful to be studying and practicing music. It is slowly revealing itself to me and I am getting a little more confident on my instrument and with my voice. Having a music teacher once a week is really going to make all the difference.
I am avoiding what I really want to write about...
Depression. All I want to do is go lay in my bed. I don't feel the energy to even reach out to God. Little waves I sense His presence and I am greatful that he hasn't left me. I will sit in quiet relations with Him to hear what He has to say today...
Dear God,
Please show me what it is I must see.
To be allowing whatever arises? To not try to push away or change anything other than exactly how it is and shows up. To watch and observe without judgments. With neutrality. This is what I am working on, not to even judge my emotions or depressions, but to just respond with kindness and curiosity. Judging and changing emtions and states of being or doing is actaully taking me mroe away from the present - and identifies me with the drama of the story or feeling.
How do I reside in neutrality?
Oh thank you for that lesson Dear One! I can see now and appreciate what it is in my life that is given to me so perfectly to learn and grow.
My intention today is just to return to neutral whenever I face guilt, depression, tiredness, stress - these are my emotional states these days. All will pass, all is changing.
for love for love for love
this is what i live for
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