Longing

Here I am.

Feet on the ground I meet my own longing. I met her in her complete form the other night as the deepest emotional state I have ever witnessed besides love. I asked this longing: "Who are you?" "Where did you come from?" And she answered with an image of my self as a child reaching her hands up in a deep need. Her need was not met and so it created this self; this longing; this unmet need as a deep wound inside my emotional body.

My longing is all of our longing. It is the longing to be with each other, to be held in love and acceptance and true seeing. It is our longing to be out of the city and within the comforts of our mother we once knew as the trees and rivers that surrounded us and met us on a daily basis. It is my longing to be in union with God and in union with love. It is my longing to be deeply fed and nourished. It is my longing to be heard, felt, understood, witnessed, touched, looked at, admired, and in purpose.

My longing is also the deep piercing longing to be in service. To know my gifts and talents and use them to help heal the world. My longing is to know Who I Am and Why I am Here. My longing is here now, it may not always stay, and so I welcome her and accept her as part of my Now.

She is sharp and open, she is round and smooth, she is the self in me which acts unconsciously in relationships, in food choices, in all choices that act from not having enough, not giving myself enough, not connecting deeply in and with myself. She is there at all times that I am not intentionally connected to God. It is my connection to God which keeps this longing satiated. It is my connection with my womb and my heart which keeps this longing unable to fully control me. For she is like a beast who wants to devour me and devour all things to satiate this pain of appetite.

So how do I truly stay connected to myself and to God?

How do I observe her when she wants to act out and breech my contract with my heart?

She reaches out to suck the energy out of someone else. This deep need cannot be met by anyone else. She is there, I know her very intimately. She is suggesting I play games with Men, suggesting I refuse my meditation practice to eat fried food and sugar. She is there suggesting I internally beat myself up and judge every detail of my life as imperfect. She is the ego in her garb of fierce emotional turmoil.

The sun is shinning outside today. I didn't get a full night's sleep last night. I am not perfect, but each and every day is perfect and provides me with another beautiful opportunity to open into my joy and acceptance. Inviting me into meeting that longing with good music, movement, conversation, gift giving, exercise, supporting a friend, or asking to be supported.

I ask sincerely: "Will this longing ever be fully met and satiated forever?" "Will she always be there behind the surface?" "What is the gift of this longing?"

She is a part of me and to shun her would be shunning my child. I must ask her on a daily basis: "What do you need?" "What do you know?" "How can I meet you?"

And Listen Deeply. And act to the best of my ability to meet her there, for anything else will just widen her deeper and contribute to the belief that I can't meet my needs, that she is not being met, that she is not worth listening to or holding.

She is asking me to meet her on a daily basis, on a moment to moment basis. A deep listening and presence to her. She as a child who is sick and who needs constant attention. My longing is a sick child who is me and all children in need. She is the Mother Earth longing to be with her children and for them to know her. She is the children in Haiti who are suffering. She is the subtle depression which suffocates all those living in illusion. She is a presence which will not be satiated easily, she wants good food, she wants creativity and movement every day, she wants deep contact with the earth. She is in love with God and knows that when I am with God she is with God and there is nothing to long for.

She is the longing to return home and be loved. She is all of us.

I meet her now: And I meet all longing:

Oh beautiful child. You Are the World! You are the sun rays that dip into the plants and radiate love to all of creation! Your smile is the emotional glue which keeps this crazy world together! You are everything and nothing, you have the power to create and be intimately known! You are beautiful and radiant and True! You Can! You Can! You Can! Your heart is the heater for all of humanity and carries our true purpose! Your eyes can shine into infinity and carry you to every corner of the universe! You are not alone, but surrounded by infinite beings of love and light! You Are Here For A Purpose! You may not know it just yet, you may not ever truly understand Why, but there is an answer. You are the answer. Your movement, your blood, your intricate DNA carries the secret to the unfolding human heart and every action you make and thought you have is, I assure you, not a mistake. Every action you make ripples out into the fabric of time, by your very makeup you are a part of this great mystery and weaving your piece just as we all are. There is no mistake, just a deeper unfolding, a knowing, and a being. You are light! You are Love! Your devotion is the Stuff of God's very own prayer. Your longing is met in this knowing. Trust your knowing. Trust your heart. Trust Trust Trust.