On Being Lost

Isn't it funny how one experience can sometimes be the perfect reflection and medium to understand a state of mind?

It was nighttime and raining pretty hard as I was coming home from Santa Rosa, CA to my father's house in Sebastapol. I was rushing to get home to catch a ride to dance class from the house. I knew that I was just going to make it on time. But as I got closer the directions I had did not fit the signs I was following. Soon I was curving around unknown passages, tires skidding on the wet asphalt and heavy downpour shaking the branches above me. I started getting very mad. I was speeding, I was feeling the rage and sadness of something, deeper than just being lost on my way home. Something in me wouldn't slow down and take things calmly. I ended up at a church and asked for directions. I followed them and got lost again. I ended up down a dirt road, at a dead end. I tortured the car as I backed up slammed on the breaks and turned around. I then ended up on someone's private road and again angrily and forcefully turned the car around. I became a mad woman screaming in the car asking for a death wish on a road unknown in the middle of nowhere.

Then all of a sudden I saw the correct sign for the street I was looking for. There it was. I zoomed down it and found the house and parked. My ride had already left. I stormed into the house and sat down ready to cry.

Instead of crying or fixing the situation by getting to the dance on my own, I pigged out in front of a movie and figured it wasn't worth it to feel my emotions or create a better alternative for my night.

So today I was finally able to reflect on that night and I started playing with this description of being lost.

It is a very good analogy for the way I used to be in my life. I was lost, but searching madly for home. I was making choices in my life which reflected this intense sadness and insecurity. Being lost in my own life was like forgetting my way home. I knew home existed but I didn't know exactly how to get there. I was searching and in the confusion, made a lot of mistakes and wrong turns. Every time I made a wrong turn, I would stop, turn around and head back to where I came from so that eventually I would be back on track.

Nobody stays lost forever.

With so many of us lost out there we are confused and angry. We are angry because we do not have a place in our hearts to call home, but we are tirelessly searching and it occurred to me that Nobody Stays Lost Forever. We are all searching for Home (a place of Sanctuary, Welcome, Warmth, Family). Even in someone's outward actions, be they of deceit, manipulation, rage, or hate - these actions and beliefs are not one's home and will never be allowed entry once that being finds the True Home: that of Wholeness and Love. So it is my belief that we are all on this search back home, and even if we never felt it during childhood, (which many of us haven't who grew up in homes of fear) it is truly a feeling that resides in all of us and is calling to us all the time.

Nobody stays lost forever, we will all eventually stop our wrong turns and make the right turn home to our hearts: our spiritual truths. Being lost is a state of mind: an identification with the self and the life which does not resonate with a larger spiritual reality. After so many wrong turns, there is eventually a right turn which begins to lead one down a road to many right turns and eventually home to our true mother and father: Faith and Reason.

To all those who are still lost: (and we can see this state of mind by the choices you make to pollute the Earth, manipulate human beings and animals, live your life only for money and power, choose to uphold lies that lie in sexism, racism, acts of hate and any choice which does not reflect sincere service to the Earth and Humanity.) Eventually you will find your way home because you will know the feeling. It will well up inside you like an upside down balloon and envelope your whole heart. Home will guide you out of the darkest dark into its calming waves of Truth. Nobody stays lost forever - this is madness and in disharmony with human nature. It may take many people many lifetimes to find home, but it is there, waiting to welcome you inside.